#57: A new bombshell has entered couple's therapy
Death By Consumption
6/3/25 - 6/9/25
It's just so interesting that so many people always want to support a protest, if only it were done in the right way. Black Lives Matter used divisive slogans. Columbia protestors were, I don't know, ruining the grass? Greta is too attention-seeking (God forbid a protestor wants to draw attention to her protest). And now LA protestors are destroying property. Won't someone think of the poor, defenseless robot taxis?! Alas, maybe someday these dastardly protestors will figure out the perfect protest technique, one that the opinion writers at the NYTimes can approve of, but until that day, I can't blame people for wanting to burn all this shit down.
This week, I went to a movie premiere and became president of the Jacob Tremblay fan club, I was once again charmed by 1970s Pacino, I watched two shows about how awful it is to be in a relationship, I watched a dense but oddly compelling Korean reality show, I saw a concert in the park, and I finished Lonesome Dove, the best book ever written. A randomly big week! Should I be worried these emails are getting longer and longer.....
Sovereign (2025) — at Tribeca Film Festival
Through a weird coincidence I was invited to the world premiere of this movie twice, via friends who know the writer/director, and another friend who knows the production designer (sadly, I wasn't that special — literally anyone could buy a ticket to the premiere). And, I’ll be honest, I went in with low expectations: a whole movie about a right-wing freak played by Nick Offerman? Not exactly how I want to spend a Sunday night.
But I did find the movie mostly compelling, though the majority of the movie was a bit of a drag. It really captures the vibe of these kinds of guys; I'd find myself nodding along with one of Nick Offerman's rants about the banks robbing people and then making taxpayers bail them out, until he'd suddenly swerve into, essentially, "And that's why we have to start killing people." The character felt true to that whole Bernie-to-Trump-voter vibe that's so confusing. But I'm still not sure Nick Offerman works as a leading man — he excels at playing stoic and gruff, with deep emotions barely buried underneath, but when it's time to let those emotions out he doesn't always nail it. He was fine, though!
But the true star is wunderkind Jacob Tremblay, who plays Nick Offerman's son, torn between the self-sufficient anti-government world of his dad, and wanting to be a normal kid who goes to school and has crushes on girls. I don't know why I was so surprised by the concept of time passing, but I was shocked to see that little Jacob has grown up. I was somewhat expecting him to still be, like, 6 years old. But I'm ready to call it now: this kid has got it. He truly nailed the role, and in the Q&A after, he was giving movie star, casually answering questions with one hand in the pocket of his relaxed-fit suit. He got a lot of attention as a child actor, but this feels like his first big coming-out film as an adult and a serious actor, and let me just say: I'm getting in on the ground floor of Team Tremblay. I may have to become the Club Chalamet for Tremblay. Watch this space.....
While the movie drags at times, the end — despite feeling completely inevitable the entire time — is explosive and harrowing. But the final 10 minutes are where the movie lost me; the film did a great job showing empathy for its complicated characters, almost all of whom are the types of people I abhor (right wing militias and cops, which are often pretty much the same thing, let's be honest). But suddenly the film only has empathy for the police officers, and the end of the movie left me thinking: wait, was this copaganda all along? (Not to call out my new fave Tremblay, but it didn't help when he said, during the Q&A, that he had to take the role because his father is a police officer.)
I wasn't the only one feeling confused by the film's point of view, as the Q&A got a bit spicy, with a few people standing up to ask questions like, "Are you worried this film will reinforce toxic masculinity?" and, "Are you concerned this can be seen as pro-MAGA?" (These questions were, to be clear, outrageously dumb. Why do Q&As attract the stupidest people alive?) The filmmakers handled the questions admirably, though I did laugh when a producer argued that the film doesn't promote toxic masculinity because, "The beating heart of the film are the female characters," which made me wonder: um, which female characters?
But, you know, this movie clearly will get people talking, and it did have me thinking and feeling, which is more than I can say for a lot of films! It's getting a theatrical release, so I'm curious to see what, if any, conversation it triggers. Will the woman who asked a question be proven right, and will Sovereign usher in a new, even more toxic form of toxic masculinity? Will Jacob Tremblay make Timothee start to feel like a dusty old skeleton? Or, as is most likely with any film these days, will this movie be buried in some obscurely specific genre category on Netflix, never to be seen again? The possibilities are endless!
After the film we went to the afterparty at the Hotel Chelsea, where a stir was caused by the momentary presence of Keanu Reeves, and drinks were practically impossible to get your hands on for the first hour, if you weren't famous. We were accidentally shuffled into the VIP room, where we stole a couch behind Jacob Tremblay, but we fled the area after MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell glared at us. He was confused why we were there, but, to be fair, I was also confused why he was there. The feeling was mutual, Lawrence!
Scarecrow (1973) — on Criterion
Scarecrow counts as a Pride film. This 1973 road trip movie stars Gene Hackman and an adorable Al Pacino, playing two drifters who travel the country together while discussing their plans to open a car wash in Pittsburgh. That's really the plot of the entire film. The whole thing feels like it was written on acid (it probably was), with some of the most bonkers dialogue you've ever heard. Al Pacino is so cute I couldn't even stand it, pocket-sized and bursting with goofy energy, while Gene Hackman is at the top of his game, all gruff charisma. The chemistry between these two legends is spectacular, and, honestly, kind of gay? It definitely feels like their characters must have explored each other's bodies at some point in one of those old motels, is all I'm saying.
Couple’s Therapy, season 4 (4.5?) — on Paramount+
I might need couple’s therapy to deal with my attachment to Dr. Orna, because I cannot get enough of this woman!!! I looked up her rates ($700/hour), and then briefly considering applying with Justin to be on a future season, shamelessly airing out all our dirty laundry simply so that I could spend a few weeks in the presence of the eternally wise goddess known as Dr. Orna.
The couples on the newest season (or newest half-season? I literally don’t understand why this counts as the same season as the episodes that came out last year, but I guess I’m not one of the geniuses at Paramount+) are all incredibly fascinating and complex, and I need almost all of them to break up immediately.
There’s the gay couple with a toxic deaf guy who might be a sociopath. A straight married couple who loathe each other in a way that is genuinely hard to watch (the woman grinds her teeth to dust every time her husband speaks). Another straight couple, in which the guy refuses to speak about his issues (on the talk-about-your-issues show…), building up the drama about his deep, dark secret, only for the secret to be — I’m sorry, and I hope he isn’t reading this — extremely funny. I need all three of these couples to break up, but I also never want to stop watching them.
But then there’s a fourth couple, who have been married forever, who clearly treat each other like shit, and can’t get through a single sentence without it turning into an argument, and yet… I’m rooting for these two crazy kids! The woman, Alison, has never met a shirt she won’t sew bejeweled sleeves onto, and the man, Rod, has a confusing accent and has been nagged to the brink of annihilation. And yet they’re so charming, and so clearly still in love with each other, that I find even their most intense moments weirdly sweet. I would watch a reality show just about these two and their bickering — Rod and Alison are my comfort toxic couple.
Couple’s Therapy is really a perfect, perfect show (part of the magic is in keeping episodes under 30 minutes, a literal blessing with TV these days), and I don’t know why they don’t just pump these out weekly, without a break. Give me a live feed into Dr. Orna’s office, I don’t care about HIPAA! Dr. Orna isn’t just healing the couples, she’s healing us all <3
Love Island USA, season 7, week 1 — on Peacock
It’s a strange experience, going from Couple’s Therapy to Love Island, and not one for the faint of heart. Watching these two shows back-to-back could easily turn anyone asexual, just as a pure survival mechanism. If these two shows are what being in a relationship looks like, maybe continuing the human race was a mistake!
I am full of self-loathing at the fact that I even jumped back in for another season of this stupid show, but after the perfection of last summer’s season I figured they had earned one more chance to hook me. Even though I know we will never reach the highs of Love Island 6 for the rest of my life. And yet, here I am, dutifully keeping up with these scantily clad freaks, who include: a horny pool boy with the dumbest face you’ve ever seen, a single mom who immediately falls in love with a guy but won’t tell him she’s a mom, and a girl who somehow has the name — and I’m going to need you to sit down as I tell you this person’s name — Belle-A. Belle-A also has the worst blaccent you’ve heard since Awkwafina. I have soooo many questions about Belle-A. Honestly, I just want to find more excuses to type out Belle-A. It's insane! Belle-A.
This show is a monstrosity, a disgusting parade of idiots acting like idiots, while the producers try to elicit emotions from you by playing a Chappell Roan song every few seconds (which, unfortunately, kind of works). I hate myself for watching it, and I can only hope it gets very boring over the next week or two, so I can be free of it. Why have I done this to myself?
The Devil's Plan, season 2 — on Netflix
This Korean reality show is such a specific show, I really don’t know who in my life I would even recommend it to, which makes The Devil’s Plan feel like a private little treat. In The Devil’s Plan, Korean personalities — newscasters, poker players, actors, pop stars — and some regular-ass people (usually college students with extremely impressive resumes) live in a Big Brother-esque soundstage house and compete in some of the most complicated games of all time.
I’m not joking: the games (or “matches,” as they’re called) are literally the most complicated games you’ll ever see on any reality show. Each episode has a 10-15 minute sequence in which a voiceover simply describes the rules of the game they’re about to play, with illustrated drawings attempting to help you understand at home (you won’t understand). If you love your friend reading you the rules of Settlers of Catan, you’ll LOVE The Devil’s Plan! This show should be impossible to follow, and yet, somehow, I manage — it feels a little bit like how I watch football, like: I have no idea what the rules are, but I know the green guys just did something to mess up the blue guys’ plan, which is exciting!
The show is also compelling because one of the biggest stars, and one of its biggest underdogs to root for, is a professional poker player who goes by the name 7high, and who I now have an unbearable crush on:
What strikes me while watching The Devil’s Plan — and please allow me to generalize about a diverse society based on a single show — is how stupid Americans are. On this show, you watch pop stars and TV personalities scribbling furious math equations on legal pads, and I find myself thinking: imagine Jimmy Fallon doing any of this shit. Does Tate McCrae even know how to subtract? I mean, South Korea overthrew their dictator in a matter of, like, 2 hours, and their pop stars can do calculus?! We are so behind the curve, it's humiliating. Like, can we get Ariana Grande in some fucking physics classes or something, so we can try to catch up? We can't let Korea keep getting away with this!
Dudamel Conducts the New York Philharmonic — in Prospect Park
Justin is a total Dudamel-head, so when we heard he was conducting the NY Phil for free in Prospect Park last weekend, I had no choice but to go. I was shocked at how packed the park got, with blankets practically overlapping by the time the orchestra took the stage. We were with friends who have kids, which meant we sat next to one of the park's baseball diamonds so the kids could run around in the dirt, which meant we enjoyed the first half of the music accompanied by the sounds of screaming children throwing tantrums. Just like Tchaikovsky intended! But we had cans of weed seltzer, and the children left when it got dark, and soon we were listening to one of the world's best orchestras, for free, under a starry night, which finished in an enormous fireworks display. Justin wants to go see Dudamel in a non-park setting to fully enjoy the music as it's meant to be heard, which I'm sure will be lovely, but I'm kind of going to miss the fireworks.
Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry (1985) — paperback
Well, I've finished Lonesome Dove, and nothing will ever be the same. I laughed, I cried, I fell in love, I had my heart broken. This was a true masterpiece, a long and beautiful elegy about what it's like when entire ways of life go extinct. (If I were a hack, I'd compare the cowboys in Lonesome Dove to writers in the age of AI, but I won't.) But, boy, is there a lot to mull over in this book. My life could not be further from a cowboy's life (only similarity is we both like breakfast), but I know these feelings of looking at how far you've come, and wondering what old age will be like, and worrying what your death will be like. I also, on a lighter note, loved how much these guys loved their friends. I love my friends too!!! I fear I have become one of those people who are forever changed by Lonesome Dove, which is just so predictable.
Perhaps my favorite part of the entire book — which comes nearly 900 pages in — is when a character pops up out of nowhere, gives our main character some very important info, and then says, "This is the longest conversation I've had in ten years. Goodbye." And he just leaves! To introduce, basically, a Pokemon NPC into the final pages of your Pulitzer-winning masterpiece is some dastardly work by McMurtry. Possibly the funniest moment in any book ever written?
I've been warned by several of you that the TV adaptation is bad, but I don't know, I'm suddenly missing all my lonesome cowboys and I'm feeling tempted........